Trapped and Freed, Highlights of a Diary
by Aggressively Hospitable
Summary: This is a series of 'highlights' from a young girl's diary as she goes through some turbulent years in her life. Rated T for the sexual references throughout.


Trapped and Freed

Dear NEW Diary- Today is finally the day! I get to go to the Palace and join the Prince's harem! Finally – after all this preparation and waiting! Oh I can't wait!.

Dear Diary- Today is my first day being part of the harem. Although I didn't get to meet the Prince yesterday, maybe I will today. I saw a portrait of him though- he sure does look handsome. But I had a talk with one of the other girls here- and here's what happened.

"What is it like- going from nothing to everything?" I asked a girl who looks like she's been a part of this harem for longer than I have which is to say- a day. The girl who looks to be maybe a year or two older than me yet has seen a whole lot more of the world than I have- she eyes me for a moment and smirks.

"Well I hate to break it to you sweetheart- but this isn't everything." She answers.

"What do you mean? I thought every girl in this kingdom would kill or die to be here. We are in the Prince's harem, we don't have to work, we don't have to clean and cook, we get covered in jewelry and massaged with expensive oils nearly every day and eat the lavish and exotic dishes that the Prince himself eats, we live a life of the utmost east and we just get to wait for him to show up, right?"

"Let me guess- you've been promised to the prince for while right?"

"Oh yes, for most of my life." I say, expecting every other girl here to be the same way. But this girl just cast her eyes down and shook her head slightly and sighed.

"Well...hopefully this will be your everything." She said in a tone I didn't recognize- a bit bitter perhaps? Then she just walked away from me and sat down next to a fountain- reading a well worn book. She must not be a favorite. For the last 15 years of my 18 year life, I have been raised to be the best prize any Prince could hope for- I sing, I dance, I play games, I am told I am very very beautiful and charming so what Prince wouldn't want me? Let alone be happy with me?

I look around the beautiful garden I'm in with all these other girls, some look older than me while others look perhaps a bit younger than me too. I look at all of them as equals however my mother warned me that some of them would be mean because they try to be a favorite too and to stay away from them if I can't befriend them. But if I'm humble enough- I shouldn't have a problem. The only problem I see is getting bored. But I am told this place has one heck of library- too bad I fall asleep when I try to read. Oh but this place also has a menagerie, that might be fun- I love all kinds of animals. The only thing I'm nervous about is being alone with the Prince- my mother tried to tell me about my 'royal duties' they sounded a bit scary but she assured me that they were supposed to be fun. So let's just say- I'm optimistic.

Dear Diary- I have been here for two weeks and I finally see the Prince- _from a distance. _That portrait must be a bit old because he looks nearly twice my age. He came to our courtyard and picked another girl to spend the night with, it's not fair! He has chosen her 4 times already, or at least that's what I assume because there have been four nights she doesn't sleep in our communal room. But I'm told the favorites of the favorites get their own rooms, oh if only he would notice me! Then maybe I could be a favorite of the favorites and get my own room because some of the other girls snore and keep me up at night.

Dear Diary- Well, he finally noticed me last night, and I got to spend the night with him. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever done. I feel so stupid and naive. My 'royal duties' if you want to call it that is a joke. It didn't help that I was nervous but it HURT. And it lasted not even a few moments before I felt 'him' get even harder than he was when we started and then this disgusting white goop starts squishing out of me. That and he was SO sweaty and he wreaked of wine and some strong smelling food that had a ton of garlic in it and he was doing his best to get his tongue down my throat which I gagged at, apparently that's the wrong response because he just looked at me like I was crazy and stupid. I feel so ashamed and dirty right now, even though I have taken 3 baths with different soaps, it doesn't help. I never want to do that again.

Dear Diary- It has been a rather blissful 4 months since my night with the Prince because I haven't had to spend another night with him since- thank the heavens. But I found a book in the library that the other girls told me was a 'romance' book. So far it described what the Prince and I did but these people seem to like it, enjoy it, love it even. It's still gross. But the man in this book is nothing like the Prince- he's kind and courteous and notices and actually cares for the woman in the book- is that difference? If you like the other person does this 'sex' get better or at least enjoyable? But that's the problem, I don't even _like _the Prince. I doubt I ever will.

Dear Diary- It has only been a year and I feel like I see this place for what it really is- it's a prison, a gold gilded prison. When I first got here- I honestly thought that this was the best thing to ever happen to a girl. Now I know why the other girl reacted to my question the way she did. It isn't everything. Sure you get massaged with oils and fed some of the most delicious food. Sure you get covered in gold and jewelry from time to time. You even get to live out your life in the palace but that's the sad part. NONE of us can ever leave the palace- we can't even go everywhere in the palace. We have our 'designated' and 'appropriate' rooms. So the price for this 'life' if you want to call it that- is our freedom. Needless to say I'm not a 'favorite'. I am so relieved I don't have to see the 'Prince' more than 3 times in a year. Each time I am reminded of how empty I really am. All I am to him is something to have sex with every so often. I'm just glad I'm not expecting a child- otherwise I really would be trapped. A month ago a few girls escaped this place. Two of them got caught and were quickly executed. Apparently once the Prince has had you, no one is allowed to 'have you' for the rest of your life. I feel so trapped, so depressed. I try to fill my time with the animals in the menagerie and some of the books in the library. But I just feel so empty. I'm also so angry at my parents- they lied to me, they led me to believe that this was the best life anyone could have- if it is- this life isn't worth living. How could they do this to me? I already feel so dead inside, I no longer believe that there is a god or karma or any of that spiritual nonsense. Because if there is any 'higher power' he or she or whatever it is must be blind- there is so much suffering especially in this place and there is no justice either- I have done NOTHING that deserves this pathetic excuse for a life. I guess I'm not the 'prize' I thought I was.

Dear Diary- Today is different. For the last few months I have been reading many different books, about what life might be like outside these walls. I have been stowing away the jewels and gold I have been given, as well as some other 'valuables'. I have decided to try and escape. I feel like I know there is something more to life that this. I just can't stop believing it. However I know I can't tell anyone. Because 3 other girls in this harem got executed for even talking about trying to escape. However there is a girl here who was captured and taken prisoner here but because of her smooth way of speaking and her beauty, has been brought in here with us. She knows of the outside world and has taken pity on some of us and is trying to teach us how to 'stand on our own two feet' in the greatest of secrecy, if we ever get out of here.

Dear Diary- A miracle has happened. The Prince has died in the night. The guards around us have been removed for a while. The girl who was captured is rumored to have stabbed him. I knew I liked her for more than one reason. Me and several others have taken advantage of this and have grabbed everything we have hidden away and everything else we can get our hands on and stolen horses from the stables and have rode as far as we can in different directions. I _finally _have my freedom. Now I get to put to use all those lessons on being on my own.

Dear Diary- I have traveled to another kingdom. They speak the same language however their accent is a little strange. But I am doing my best to mimic it. I got a job at a local zoo taking care of abandoned baby animals. The experience I had at the menagerie helps more than I thought it would. Once I got here I realized I had only taken enough money, jewels, gold and other valuables to live off of for the next 15 years, well living in a manner I like anyway. But I don't want to draw too much attention to myself. I still don't know if I am being looked for.

Dear Diary- Today a family came by the zoo, I was in the nursery but I saw them looking through the glass, the children were so cute- the parents actually looked happy, like they liked each other anyway. Reminds me of how lonely I still am. I ran into another harem escapee- Sharon- and we have become better friends out here in the world than we ever were back in that prison. She is doing the same thing I am- just trying to live a life that was denied us. But she works at a bakery because I guess she loves to cook, she's good at it.

Dear Diary- Today was an interesting day- I think I met a man. His name is Gabriel. He works with his father as a blacksmith. I was just walking down the street with Sharon after work and I just happened to look over to him because of the noise he was making with the horse shoes. Now HE was/ is handsome, I happened to catch his eye, well, Sharon and I both caught his eye and he smiled over at us. With the whitest teeth I have ever seen, he obviously takes care of himself. He is heavily muscled and looks healthy, unlike our former Prince. We smiled back and started giggling. So that's what it's like to get noticed. It actually feels really good. Whenever the Prince noticed me I would inwardly groan. I have come to realize that my parents really sheltered me because I wasn't allowed to see any men except for the few menservants we had who were all married and 'off limits'. But anyway. Sharon dared me to talk to him, I feel like I needed an excuse. But thinking quickly I realized my horse that I stole who by the way I have really come to love and cherish, needs shoes- I wondered what this blacksmith's prices were. So Sharon and I drag each other up to him and rather sheepishly ask how much it would be to re-shoe our horses. You know- I never thought I would think of a man as beautiful but this guy- WOW, how come this guy isn't a prince? I wouldn't mind my royal duties then. He says he will give us a discount because we're so beautiful and gives us a very reasonable price and says to bring our horses around tomorrow.

Dear Diary- Damn it. Gabriel is married. But that doesn't matter to Sharon. But it really matters to me. It just is so..._wrong _to me. He's married, he's 'taken' and 'off limits' as I was raised to believe. Now granted my parents didn't do that great by me but at least they taught me that. Now I feel like giving up again.

Dear Diary- Ok, there is this guy who visits the zoo nearly every day for the last few weeks. He's not nearly as beautiful as Gabriel but he keeps trying to get my attention and smile at me. It's creeping me out. His name is Henry and I have no clue what he does.

Dear Diary- I finally have a friend who is a guy. His name is Luke and he drops off carcasses to the zoo to feed the tigers and lions we have at the zoo. We have met in passing several times but today we both seemed to have a few extra minutes and decided to talk. He was very friendly, it was nice. He was the first man I have felt comfortable just talking to. So I will consider him a friend.

Dear Diary- Luke talked to me again today. He told a really stupid joke but it made me laugh. I found out by talking to the other delivery guy that Luke isn't married, or courting anyone, so I feel free- well, free-er to talk to him.

Dear Diary- Luke and I had lunch together today. This time I told a joke- actually a pretty witty one and I got _him _to laugh, so now we're even. But he asked me about my past and I didn't feel comfortable talking about it. So I didn't, he looked confused but brushed it off. We made plans to have lunch again in a few days.

Dear Diary- Today Luke and I met for dinner, it was a bit more formal than our usual lunch spot but it was nice. He told me about his past a little and it was nice to hear someone else's past that wasn't tragic or sad or disturbing- it was actually very nice. And I learned that Luke actually does more than drop off carcasses, his family owns a rather large estate with cattle, horses, camels and other livestock. He just volunteers to drop off the animals that die of old age or sickness to the zoo. The other guy who helps him is his brother- that makes a lot of sense, they do look alike. But in fact- he works with the horses on the estate. I find that very interesting, because it explains why he always smells like a horse, except for tonight- he actually smelled like soap, which was very pleasant. Not that I mind the smell of horse- it's actually a rather soothing smell to me. But it also explains his build. He isn't heavily muscled like Gabriel who by the way is still having an affair with Sharon, who I have just stopped spending time with because I can't stand her now, but Luke isn't skinny or scrawny either. He's medium I guess, but I haven't seen him in anything that would really give me a clue. Actually the more I am around Luke the more I like him, he's actually very handsome to me now. He's starting to grow out his hair more and it's starting to form dark brown ringlets and he looks really good like that. Of course it goes well with his dark brown eyes that are so kind when they look at me. It was a really really really good night.

Dear Diary- Henry is leaving me alone! Thank heavens. I don't know how it happened. Luke and I were sitting at the fountain, a little closer than usual, drinking lemonade and talking and Henry happened to walk by. Henry stopped dead in his tracks and just stared at me in disbelief. I looked up and saw him, I just made eye contact and continued to talk to Luke, trying to ignore him. But Henry apparently didn't like that because he came up to us and butted in to our conversation. Luke just raised an eye brow and looked at him like he was crazy and then at me, I guess he was looking for my reaction. Annoyed- that was my reaction. Henry finally got the hint and left. So here's how the conversation went after Henry left.

"So...who was that guy?"

"That was Henry- he has been trying to get my attention for months now, he just really creeps me out, he comes by a few times a week and just STARES at me through the glass in the nursery and then waves like crazy when I look up. I feel very uncomfortable when he does that."

"Like you're not safe?" Luke asks, narrowing his eyes a bit and clenching his jaw slightly, waiting for my answer.

"Well I don't know about not feeling safe but I certainly don't feel good when he's around. I just get a sinking feeling in my stomach I guess, well Henry also has this look in his eye when he looks at me that I can't stand- it's like he's trying to see through my clothes or something or perhaps imagining what I look like without them, it's disgusting." And I physically shudder at just the thought.

"Mm-hmm." Was Luke's response to that, he just clenched his jaw tighter and looked at his lemonade like he was angry at it. It was weird.

"But I don't feel anything like that when I'm around you." I said, trying to cheer him up I guess.

"Oh?" He replied, looking up at me and smiling softly.

"Yeah, I feel...free, I guess is word for it, around you. Like when Henry looks at me I think he just sees the outside of me, I have been told I have a pretty face and I think that's all he sees and that just makes me feel bad. But you..." I paused and looked at him thoughtfully before I continued-

"I feel like that when you look at me...you see past that, like you see me for me, in a good way...and I really appreciate that."

Then Luke really smiled at me and I suddenly feel light and joyful which is something I haven't felt in a very very very long time.

So from then on I haven't seen Henry- at all. He doesn't visit the zoo anymore and I don't see him in town. It's so nice.

Dear Diary- Tonight Luke invited me to his house for dinner and I got to meet his family. He has 6 brothers and 3 sisters, he is apparently one heck of a middle child. His youngest sister is actually a little girl I have seen at the zoo before. She is so cute and sweet, of course most 5 year olds are. Now their family life seems to me to be a bit chaotic, much different than that it was at the palace where everything was always in order. And at my apartment which is also very rarely not in order and calm. But it was lively and really fun. I actually get along with everyone which is also a nice change from the palace, granted everything was always in order but you clearly had your friends and enemies. But what I didn't understand is all the winking everyone kept doing to Luke. I felt a bit left out and felt like the joke was on me but I waited till after dinner when he was taking me back to my apartment to ask him about it. He just told me that they did that because they like me. Well if that's the case then I'm very relieved because I like them too. AND the most awesome thing that happened tonight? LUKE KISSED ME! Granted it was on the cheek as he left but it still felt a thousand times better than anything the Prince ever did to me. I felt my skin get hot and I suddenly now look at Luke a bit differently.

Dear Diary- I was talking to Susan at work today and she told me that I was actually being courted by Luke. But Luke hasn't said anything that would make me think that he was...we just are really good friends. But he did kiss me on the cheek last night so I guess that changes things. So when I saw Luke today I asked him, privately. He blushed really bad which got me to blush but he actually confirmed it and apologized for not just coming out and asking point blankly. But he explained that he wanted to ask my parents permission first. I told him not to worry about it, that my permission was all that was needed. He seemed confused by this but shrugged it off. So I am officially 'off the market'...again..but this time it feels really good.

Dear Diary- Today Luke started holding my hand whenever we walk anywhere. I really like this. The Prince never held my hand- hell he never even just held me or hugged me, he just used me for what I was there for and then told me to go back to my bed. He really was such an ass, I'm so glad he's dead. It's been a year since his death and I haven't heard anything about what was supposed to happen to those of us unfortunate enough to be be in his harem. But I still worry from time to time.

Dear Diary- Today Luke kissed me, several times. It felt NOTHING like when the Prince tried to kiss me which I feel bad even calling what he did or tried to do- that. But these were...amazing. I don't know how else to describe it. They made me feel like my blood was boiling and my skin was on fire, like my brain was on some kind of drug, almost like I was drunk and didn't care about anything other than being in that moment with Luke. Oh and he started calling me nick names- like 'sweetie' and 'dear' instead of my name- something I can definitely get used to. Now I look at him and I just see a man I am finding more and more irresistible.

Dear Diary- Today I blew it. I am so mad at myself and I'm so scared. Luke and I were kissing in my apartment and his hands started to really roam my body which usually feels really good but he touched me in such a way that suddenly all those horrible memories of being with the Prince flooded back to my memory and I started crying. Luke couldn't be more confused or shocked. He sat me down and did his best to comfort me and apologize for going to far but I just shook my head and cried in my hands. He put his arm around me and held me close gently rocking me like a baby and asked if I could please talk to him about it. I didn't want to but today I felt like I needed to, he needed to know the truth, especially if he was going to progress our courtship he should have known sooner than later- but it wasn't till today that I felt like I could trust him with my past. So I spilled everything. He spent I don't know how many hours just sitting with me, listening to me ramble on. He was very quiet through the whole thing, the only thing I was able to differentiate was whenever I talked about what the Prince did to me and with me he clenched his jaw, like he was mad. But when I told him how horrible everything made me feel his eyes would get a lot softer- like he felt really sorry for me. He would nod in understanding every once in a while. When I was done he just sat there, perhaps a little shocked and shaken up- I hadn't exactly lied to him or anything but I wast forth coming either- until today. But then he just got up and looked at me and I could tell he was feeling a thousand things at once and then just said goodbye without kissing me or hugging me or anything. I am so scared- I just confessed I'm an ex- concubine to a dead prince and I stole a horse to get away. So at the very least he could turn me in for being a thief, granted it was over a year ago and it was the only thing I have ever stolen in my life, but still, Luke is a very honest man. It wouldn't surprise me if he did. What am I going to do now?

Dear Diary- It's been two days since I last talked to Luke, he hasn't been the one of the men to drop off a carcass to the zoo and I haven't seen him anywhere but I feel too ashamed to come and see him at his house- I doubt I am even welcome there. His brothers however have still been really nice to me so maybe he hasn't told them yet. I am still so scared- I feel like I escaped yesterday and there is a bounty on my head. I feel anxious and worried and haven't hardly slept since my talk with Luke the other night. I feel so horrible.

Dear Diary- Everything will be alright. It was my day off and Luke came to my apartment in the morning which is odd because he usually trains horses in the morning- when it's still cool. But he just showed up at my door this morning and asked if we could talk. Granted I was still in my night gown and a robe but I didn't care- I needed to know where I stood with him. So here's what happened- he sat down at the opposite end of my couch away from me which wasn't a good sign to start with and he started off saying-

"Jaida- I understand why you didn't say anything about your past before now." My shoulders dropped and I wanted to cry- he hasn't called me by my name in a while, it sounded so formal- like he was separating himself from me. But I fought back my tears and continued to listen quietly as he continued-

"I can't imagine trying to live in that kind of fear- I can't imagine having that kind of life. It sounds like it would be living in hell and I can't believe you are as sane as you are despite it...and to be perfectly honest, at first I was hurt that you didn't trust me enough to tell me sooner. But then the more I thought about it, I realized you were extremely brave in telling me to begin with so I'm actually really grateful you trust me now and I'm sorry if I didn't react the way I should have." Then he scooted closer to me on the couch which got my hopes up, a little. But I still didn't say anything- I was still really anxious as to what he would say next.

"So I came by to tell you that it's alright, you don't have anything to fear." Now when he said that he scooted closer still and took my hands in his, they may have some calluses on them but they were still warm and comforting. And it was then and only then that I relaxed and that anxious feeling finally left me. His eyes clearly showed he really cared for me and I only hoped with all my heart my eyes reflected that feeling. Now all those 'romance' books made sense, I finally felt that feeling that they called 'love'- love for Luke. The need and want to be around him always.

"So...you still like me?" I timidly asked, still a bit unsure of the answer. Luke just looked at me with a twinge of confusion but overwhelming comfort.

"Of course, actually I not only _like_ you but I _love you too._" Luke said as he gripped my hands a little tighter. My eyes went wide and started to really tear up but the smile that plastered itself on my face was undeniable, so I confessed I loved him too. Then I couldn't help myself, I practically jumped into his lap and wrapped my arms around him so tight I wasn't sure he could really breathe properly. But to my relief, he did the same to me. Then I confessed I was so worried when I didn't see him for a few days, thinking the police were going to show up at my door- to take me back to that horrible palace and execute me, because other concubines and even actual wives had been executed for less serious offenses. Luke apologized profusely for not telling all of this to me sooner and making me go through that. He then went on to tell me that he would gladly lay his life down to save mine if I was ever in any danger. The Prince NEVER would have said anything like that- hell- I don't think he cared that much that many of us were still breathing. Why am I still comparing Luke to him? Why would I compare an angel to a complete waste of dead flesh? There is no comparison. Then Luke started kissing me, the way a man who really loves a woman is supposed to kiss her. Now I know not only what love feels like but also what being _loved _feels like. I knew I would never live as 'extravagantly' as I did before but again- there is no comparison, jewels and gold are nothing compared to these feelings. Before I was just a possession in a locked box, now I feel like a treasure that's adored and appreciated and allowed to see the light of day. After a few hours of just holding each other on the couch he said he had to go take care of something but that he would see me tomorrow. I relished how he hugged and kissed me goodbye today. It just felt like there was so much behind it.

Dear Diary- I don't think I could be any happier than I am right now. This morning Luke came by and helped me in the nursery until lunch which we spent together. Then he told me to come to his house after work for dinner and that I should always feel comfortable coming there like I do at home. It struck me as odd at the time but oh when I got there it was like I got adopted by the whole family. All his brothers were side hugging me and laughing and joking with me like I was one of their sisters and his sisters were even more touchy feel-y which was odd at first but I couldn't be more happy to receive this kind of attention, it wasn't weird at all to me. So after a lovely dinner Luke and I take a walk on the grounds of this estate at sunset only this time Luke is walking with his arm around me, much closer than usual but I am not about to complain. Then we sit on a bench and start watching the sunset together in relative silence until he clears his throat AND ASKS ME TO MARRY HIM! AHHH! This is so amazing. See, here's the thing, technically I was never 'married' to the Prince- I was just 'a gift' and especially since he's DEAD (again thank heaven) I really am free in every sense. But I don't exactly know what's expected of me as a _wife _but I don't really care- it means I get Luke all to myself because unless you are royal you get to have one husband per one wife. That I think is how it should be, less problems that way.

Dear Diary- Today I went to Luke's estate and asked his mother a few burning questions I have had since last night- like what it means to be a wife and what's expected of me and how that kind of life works, she didn't however seem surprised at my questions which made me feel better, because I thought my questions were stupid or at least sounded stupid but they were still important to me and she did her best to answer them. Apparently it is customary for us to move into a smaller house, separate from the main- big house- on the estate once we were married. She then showed me said house and 'small' isn't a word I would use- it's HUGE. Especially compared to my small but simple apartment. But she told me I was responsible for taking care of it. That I can do. Even in the palace, the small space I considered mine was always clean and neat and even now my apartment is rarely out of order. It's just the way I was brought up. And I can learn how to clean everything else- I just need to be shown a few times. Then she informed me that because of my 'talents' with baby animals that they needed some one like me on the estate to take care of the baby animals of the flocks and such who's mothers weren't experienced enough to do it on their own. To which I readily accepted. Because that's how we 'paid' for our house, food and clothing- is by helping out on the estate, which sounded perfectly reasonable to me.

Dear Diary- Today Luke and I set a date for our wedding. Granted I'm not the most religious or even spiritual person but I didn't really care- all that meant anything to me was just some sort of ceremony where I was his and he was mine- that's all I really cared about. I asked if the wedding could be small since I really didn't have many friends other than the few girls I made friends with at the zoo and I wasn't even that close to those girls. But I was assured I was about to meet a whole new set of friends. But it's in a few months actually, Luke's sisters have taken me wedding dress shopping to get an idea of what I like and want. But apparently the whole family knows my past because his sisters had questions about the palace I used to live in but assured me that it was a 'family secret' and NO ONE outside the family knows my past, and it would stay that way but that I shouldn't be ashamed of it, I should be proud I survived it. I did my best to answer them as discretely as I could. I spared them the horrible details, like all the executions for example. Now Luke however knows everything, every nitty gritty detail about that place, how it was a prison and the people in it. But he does me the kindness of not bringing it up and instead talks about the future, _our future _which sounds almost too good to be true. Oh I can't wait.

Dear Diary- Today I found my wedding dress, it's BEYOND BEAUTIFUL. I feel so gorgeous in it, it's just..perfect. Luke's sisters and mother agreed with me, they said it was perfect too and that Luke was going to drop his jaw on the floor, which I hope doesn't literally happen, but I get what they were trying to say. I also quit my job at the zoo, I hired my replacement first of course but I start helping out at the estate starting tomorrow. I am told a few of the horses will need help giving birth, which is something I have never done before so I get to learn something new, but at least it's Luke who get's to teach me.

Dear Diary- There is a GOD. How can anyone witness the birth of anything and not believe in a higher power? This was so amazing. Now I'm starting to smell like horse- that and I have added my horse to their herds and my soon to be in- laws were extremely impressed with him. Apparently he's still a 'stud' which means he can still father other little horses and his 'blood line' and 'conformation' was very good as well as his proportions and the fact that he's as gentle as a soft summer breeze and extremely easy to handle were all very good things. But while Luke and I were in the barn he mentioned having a family of our own one day- something I hadn't thought about much before but when he mentioned it, it just seemed- _right._ Like that's how it was supposed to be, like it was one of the best things on earth that could happen instead of another chain tied around you. I guess who you have a child with makes all the difference. 

Dear Diary- This will be my last entry for a while- because TODAY- is THE DAY. The day I give my whole heart, mind and soul to Luke and he does the same to me. Tonight I am looking forward to my first time making love, because there is or at least should be a big difference between sex and making love- I don't exactly know what those differences are yet but next time I write in here, I will let you know. Oh and I found out what happened to Henry- not like I really cared to begin with but I think it's worth noting that after that day at the fountain, Luke and ALL of his brothers paid Henry a 'visit' and 'convinced' Henry to leave me alone. Well I'm grateful for it. Shows Luke cared about me more than I thought he did at the time.

Dear Diary- Well it's been 3 weeks since I wrote in here last. I feel like I'm a whole new and better person now. First off, I have been back at this house that Luke and I now share which I am quickly starting to refer to and accept as my HOME which that word has a whole new, special and deep meaning now. We have been back from our honeymoon for a few days now and again I couldn't be happier. It's like every day I wake up and I live in this paradise and it doesn't look a thing like how I thought it would be- now THIS is everything to me.

So our honeymoon was AMAZING, really there are no other words for it, oh and I learned the difference between sex and making love. It's all about the relationship you have with the other person, I know I promised myself I would stop comparing Luke with that waste of flesh 'Prince' but I can't help it. Luke is so so so so so so so much better than the 'Prince' ever dreamed he could be. First off- Luke is soft and loving and kind and patient. It's like being caressed by a thousand rose petals for hours on end vs being slammed against a stone wall for a minute and then left all alone to bleed in the cold. During the whole thing Luke was kind and gentle and compassionate while being passionate which I think is mind blowing. Then Luke can make love to me for a whole lot longer than I thought humanly possible, like he _wore me out_, he has stamina I didn't know a human being could have. He gave me time to get heated up to just as hot if not hotter than he was and then did things with his hands and his mouth that I didn't know a man could do and brought me so high I thought I was going to literally explode in the best way possible. And he brought me to my 'pinocle' as he called it so many times I lost count. He has this ability to hold off on getting to his 'pinocle' until I reach mine which is again- a miracle. And one of my favorite new things to do is explore every inch of this amazing man, every muscle, curve and sculpted inch of him, his abdomen alone is work of art in my mind, seeing what he likes and loves and what makes _him _feel good. So far I discovered he has some 'hot spots' on his neck and chest that if I kiss and slightly nibble at it's like I set his soul on fire, only because he does the same to me. Oh the second day we were married he found this one spot on my neck that made my knees want to give out and the muscles in my abdomen instantly coil up and my blood was instantly boiling making me hotter than the hottest summer day. I don't know how he did it or found it but I am so happy he did. It's like whenever it's just us we just take so much delight in making the other person happy. Oh and I was wrong about the things I took or rather 'given' and took with me from the palace, I underestimated all of it, it wouldn't have lasted me 15 years, it would have lasted me at least 150 years. How did I underestimate it by that much? Well what was mine is now ours and apparently Luke will make it last a lot longer than I ever could. Luke really is a brilliant man, he understands so much about what I don't have a clue exists and he isn't to proud to try and teach me either. I love him so much and I know he loves me just as much as I love him, if not more. He treats me with respect and dignity and is so careful to never hurt me or say mean things to me. Even around our home he doesn't let me lift anything too heavy because he doesn't want me to hurt myself. How sweet is that?

Dear Diary- I'm pregnant! It took 2 years and a lot of 'work' which I was more than happy to do but I am finally pregnant. I don't know how far along I am, perhaps a few months but I have this little bump on my belly and I stopped bleeding every so often a few months ago so maybe in the spring I will have my perfect gift from Luke. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl. But I am really really happy, I just can't wait to see what it looks like, I think it just might be the perfect mix of him and me. Most children are that way anyway. But I am just so excited I can barely stand it.

Dear Diary- a week ago I gave birth to the most handsome little boy in the world, he looks a lot like Luke, we named him Laban. Luke and I are still very happy and if you can believe it, have become in my mind very good lovers, now we have proof of that. Oh and this is my last entry in this diary, it's all full. Imagine that.


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